Since I last posted, I said I would post more frequently. Even if it was utter crap, I’d still write something. No matter how small or weird it was, I would. But then life happened. Well, my mind happened to be exact. But that’s another story.
When two celebrities committed suicide this week, the world was shocked. People started talking about suicide and why that’s great, I’m just annoyed at how it only seems a topic worth talking about when someone famous dies. That’s also another story.
I watched 13 Reasons Why and while it was triggering, it also inspired me. So, today instead of doing 13 Reasons Why, I’m doing 13 Reasons Why I Shouldn’t. This is probably just for me so I can look back at it and remember.
- I have great friends. Granted, we don’t see each other very often because life happens but I know they are always at the end of the phone. Even if I never reach out. On the off chance I do, they are there. Or if you want to eat grass. Or if you want to sit in silence with them. Or when they shout ‘food’ or ‘tea’ even though you’re in the next room. Or if you they send you pictures of balls that are not balls. Weird I know, but I like them.
- When it matters, I have people there. Friends, family members, it’s there if I ever need to escape or just for a distraction.
- My cats. And dog. Some days, they are the only reason I leave the house. They are the reason I get up and face the day. They need me.
- Writing. I have so much to say and I have stories that need to be told in the way only I can write. It sounds weird but some days, writing is all that helps.
- Books. So many books to read. I have stories that need to be finished and I need to know how they end. I can’t tell you how close I’ve come to suicide only to go on my kindle and realise that I haven’t finished a story yet.
- Travel. It’s cliché I know, but there’s so many things I haven’t done that I need to do. But sometimes I will look at a place on the internet and I’ll imagine myself there and it just motivates me.
- Family. Two of my cousins are currently pregnant and I need to see the babies. My little brothers and sister. My dad. My auntie. And my nan. She’s always a reason to not do it.
- Memories. Past and future memories. I crave memories with people more than I crave death sometimes.
Now, I don’t have 13 Reasons Why I Shouldn’t. But I have 8, and that’s more than I had at 16. It’s more than I had yesterday. It’s enough today, and it’ll be enough tomorrow. When you live with a mind that wants to die, it’s always going to give you a reason why. It will give you a million reasons why you should, but there’s always at least one reason why you shouldn’t. Maybe you have 10 reasons why you shouldn’t, or maybe you have 13, or a 100. You have reasons why you’re needed here, and that’s enough for now. It’s a moment, and that can last into an hour, a day, or a week. But it’s a moment and moments pass. Be safe. Be kind. If you have a friend, just check in on them. A message has the potential to change their world. Don’t wait, do it now. Check in on them, ask them, listen to them, and just be there. That’s all anyone needs. Even if you sit in silence, sometimes that’s all we need. And if you’re like me and you struggle with reaching out, you struggle with being vulnerable with someone, there’s an app called TalkLife. It’s an app that specifically helps people with mental health issues. You can post anonymously on it, no one ever has to know who you are. You can get support from it, people will listen to you and your thoughts. This app has saved my life many times. I just love the app and it’s helped me massively. And that’s all the words I have today. It’s not a lot, but it’s enough.