Mental health comes with challenges.
Getting out of bed and facing the world.
Showering or looking after yourself.
Finding the courage to speak to someone.
Not giving into certain impulses…
And many more.
Here’s the thing though, and I don’t know if you do this well, but when I have a bad day, I automatically hate myself for it. I shouldn’t have bad days right? I shouldn’t feel this way, I’m too old to still have these issues, having a shower isn’t that much of an effort…. I can do this. It’s easy right?
No. It isn’t easy, and I hate the fact that some days I can’t do such a simple things. I see everyone around me and I look at I think ‘wow, I wonder what it’ll be like to not that have that argument everyday?’ But then I realise that to me, these aren’t simple. What getting out of bed is to you, is running a marathon to me.
Bad days are normal, hating myself for having a bad day is normal but what isn’t normal? Is that I’ve recently learned to forgive myself for them.
Forgiveness… it’s a normal word. It’s an everyday word. But only when it applies to other people. Forgive them for how they treated you, forgive the person who wronged you. But when it comes to forgiving yourself? It’s like a whole other galaxy.
Bad days, mental health days, days where you just don’t give a flying fuck, days where you’re thoughts scare you and makes that hate on you burn even brighter…
Forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for the thoughts that are running through your brain. Forgive yourself for not doing what you need/want to do that day. Forgive yourself if you stay in bed all day and don’t have the energy to leave it. Forgive yourself because…
You are human.
You are allowed to have these days, you are allowed to have no physical energy because you’ve spent all day fighting your own mind. Our minds will scream and shout at us that we should of done something more, been productive… but fuck that. Take a mental health day. Reboot your system before you face another day. Do whatever you have to do, cry, scream, shout, watch mind numbing tv, watch your favourite movies, eat a tub of ice cream, just do whatever you have to do to wake up the next morning. And forgive yourself because sometimes that’s the hardest thing anyone can do. If you spend your days constantly fighting a mind that wants to die, you deserve forgiveness for the way you do it. Never, and I mean never, let anyone tell you the way you cope with your wounds is wrong.
Some days you might not be as strong and forgiveness seems like a lightyear away… and that’s okay. It doesn’t matter how long it takes you to get back on your feet, just as long as you do. Because when we stand and give a big middle finger to the demons in our mind? That feeling is something I can’t describe with words.
So, do me a favour? And I’ve said it enough already but… forgive yourself. Bad days are normal, because no mater how bad your storms are, you are the Thunder, you are the lightning. Don’t let a little wind knock you down, okay?
And on that note, I’m out. Just wanted to get this out. Also, stop telling me to kill myself, all you’re doing is making me want to live even more. Suckers.